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God created sex. Priests created marriage.


Elbert Hubbard

Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.


Ambrose Bierce

Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two.


Oscar Wilde

Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same.


Evelyn Hendrickson

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.


Author Unknown

Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs.


American Proverb

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.


Author Unknown
Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.


Paul Hornung

Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.



François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.


Mignon McLaughlin

Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.


Samuel Lichtenberg

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.


Mignon McLaughlin

What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.


George Jessel

Marriage is a mistake every man should make.


Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!


Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.


H.L. Mencken

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.


Helen Rowland

When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.


W. Somerset Maugham

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing


Oscar Wilde

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.


Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.


Lee Trevino

My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I'm not enjoying it..



H.L. Mencken

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.


Duane Dewel

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.


Mignon McLaughlin

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.


Phyllis Diller

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.


Author Unknown

Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.


Joan Didion

In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do.


George Bernard Shaw

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.


Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.


Benjamin Disraeli

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.


Zsa Zsa Gabor

Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.


Jean Rostand

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.


Author Unknown

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.



Jerry Hall

My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.


Alexandre Dumas, fils

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.


Sacha Guitry

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.


Helen Rowland

After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her – and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him.


Raymond Hull

All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.


Bill Cosby

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.